"It is okay."

There are 22 of us here studying abroad, and everyone is so amazing. I have enjoyed getting to know everyone, and hear their stories. We have completed orientation, and we have started classes. Everyone is getting settled, and getting into the swing of things. 

When classes started I found out that I have been placed to work at a Compassion International Child  Development Site. I am so excited to be working with this organization. I will be able to do house visits, teach classes, and work with children of all ages. I have met my supervisor and all of my coworkers, and I absolutely adore them. Everyone is so welcoming here. I have already been able to do house visits, and dance ALOT. I am excited to see what else I am going to learn over the next four months. 

I already feel as if time is flying by. I was reminded this morning while doing my devotion to not take this time for granted. These next four months will be amazing, but will also mold me in ways that I can not comprehend. I am excited to be here, and I know that God is going to do BIG things in my life, and others lives. Even though I miss Louisiana, and everyone there... this already feels like home. God has me here for a reason, and I can't wait to keep discovering what that reason is. 

I was feeling overwhelmed this morning, but then I read this...

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a brach that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you."-John 15: 4-7

So this is my hope for this semester. That I constantly remain in the Lord, and that I know that I can not do this journey without him. Lets do this thang. 

Say Yes.

For awhile I have hesitated to write this post because it will most likely make people uncomfortable. But lately, I have found joy in the uncomfortable. So why not?

When I was a senior in high school. I was so unhappy. Everything seemed to be working against me, but in reality I just wasn't following Christ like I should. He told me I was called to go to Uganda for sure without a doubt, and I ran. I ran so far away from God's will that I was miserable. I remember one night being so depressed, all I could do was pray to God that I needed him and I could not do life without him anymore. I remember saying "Your will, not mine" Oh how that one simple phrase completely wrecked all MY plans. He led me to Louisiana College, he led me to the most solid friends a girl can have, and I was able to go to Uganda for the first time as a freshman in college. He is so faithful. Fast forward three year laters, and here I am about to graduate with a  degree in social work, and leave the country for four months. Wow.

For the past couple of months I have been preparing to go to Uganda and spend four months there. Which has been absolutely overwhelming, and a little crazy at times. Questions I ask myself daily are: How does one prepare for this? How am I going to raise all this money? Why me? Why can't God choose someone else? What if something happens to me? Things I say daily: I can't do this. I'm not good enough. I can't live without chickfila and hot showers that long. I'm terrified of traveling alone.

And all that God tells me is this, "Just say yes".

When I finally broke down, and decided to just say yes to God's plan all of the anxiety and questions went away. I will be prepared, and God will provide all of my needs. God chose me for a reason, and if something happens to me-he is still good. I am good enough. I am strong enough. And life goes on without chickfila and hot showers (help me Lord). Once I said yes, everything changed. I was no longer stuck in this awkward what do I do stage. People started coming out of nowhere with donations, and I even had an article in the town talk, like what? The Lord was so faithful in showing me that I am right where he wanted me. He is showing up every.single.day and my heart may explode.

Last Sunday I was told that I was a better Christian than most because I was going to be going to Uganda for a whole semester, and doing the "dirty work". My goodness how my heart broke when I was told that. I am told things like that all the time. You are "inspiring", "a hero", "amazing". Oh how I wish I were all of these things, but I am simply not. I struggle just like everyone else does, I make good and bad decisions. Sometimes life is just hard, and it's amazing that I just get up in the morning.

Then the next thing I was told was, "What would the world be like if everyone said yes to God's will for their lives?"

I thought about this question for the rest of the day. What if everyone said yes whenever God told them to go? What if there was no such thing as fear? What if everyone lived out their call completely and totally? This is something that I ask myself daily. I am so thankful that despite that everything seems like a hot mess sometimes I know that without a doubt I am in God's will. I am happy, and at peace. This has been on my heart for such a long time, and I have struggled with going to Uganda for awhile now. But instead of running from my call, I just said yes. Oh what a difference that has made.

"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double minded."-James 4:7-8


My life this past couple of months:

http://www.thetowntalk.com/story/news/local/2015/09/11/african-internship-helps-lc-student-fulfill-gods-call/72064356/

If not, he is still good.

Four cycles of camp have come and gone... and I have been trying to figure out the words to say. Life has been insanely busy since camp has started, but I have been thinking about this one blog post for weeks. Trying to blog about camp and put into words what I have been feeling is a huge challenge for me. So this is my attempt at just that.

My first cycle of camp was a dream. I experienced everything for the very first time. It was as if I was constantly running, and I couldn't catch my breath... but at the same time I didn't want to miss a single thing. It was everything I had hoped for and more. The Lord was gracious and gave me an amazing bible study, and a awesome church group for the week. I had everything I had ever wanted and more. I began to talk to my kids and learn more about where they come from, and all of a sudden reality came back into play. These kids had baggage, some heavier than others. They had heartbreaks, and all some of them needed was someone to love them. I had one little boy who forever changed the way I see the gospel. He was that kid. The kid who didn't like me, who distracted everyone, and who frankly didn't care. He popped my dream bubble and challenged every single thing I believed. I went back to my room that night and cried and prayed. I prayed his name over and over again that the Lord will change his heart.  The next day this little boy acted completely different because the reality was that God was changing my heart. It was me that was the problem, and the Lord completely changed the way I loved him. It was different, it was easy, and it changed the course of the whole week. He began to ask questions, and every day he still challenged everything I believed but it was in a positive way. I still prayed for him without ceasing, and one night he decided to begin a relationship with Jesus. I will never forget when another staffer told me about his decision, as both of us stood there and cried with joy... that is the moment that I realized this is worth it. During this cycle I had an incredible church that I was host for, and they loved me so well. Hearing every story, and joke from them got me through each day. They are truly precious, and I will consider them to be part of my story forever.

Then came cycle two which was automatically a little smoother because I had an idea of what I was doing. This week brought another church group that immediately welcomed me into their family. I began to become comfortable in my role as a staffer, and I was confident in my ability to teach bible study. This week was smaller, and so I loved being able to know each child personally. Because it was so small hearing everyone's personal stories became more difficult for my heart. Hearing of the heart break and family situations was so tough, but it also reminded me of why I was still there. I also had another little boy in my bible study who just struggled. He struggled with questions about God, he struggled with his home situation, and once again he challenged everything I had ever believed. He didn't care to be at camp, and I could tell he had been through more heart ache than I could have ever imagined. I immediately began to pray that the Lord would love on him, and show up in a mighty way. Sure enough a couple of days into camp he talked to one of the other staffers about his salvation. I remember the feeling that night as well, and thought to myself that this will never get old. The feeling of kids knowing Jesus for the first time will never get old.

Cycle three came and all I remember is how much fun I truly had. This week was so much fun, and everything involved laughter. I had a little boy in my bible study who once again challenged me, but he was so much fun. He brought me so much laughter and joy I will never forget it. He had such a tough home life, but he was one of the happiest kids I had ever met. I will never forget us walking one day, and he looked at me with all seriousness and said, "Why do you love me?" That is when reality hit that he had never known what it felt like to be truly loved. I explained to him that he was created by God and loved deeply by a creator and that I loved him because he was hard not to love. He was one of the best kids I had ever met, and it was heart breaking to see how unloved he felt. In that moment all he said was thank you, and had the biggest smile on his face. It hit me that I had never told him that I loved him, I just spent time with him. May I always remember that my actions speak louder than my words. 

Cycle four came in like a hurricane, and I had no clue what adventure was about to take place. I was so excited because check in days always get me excited. Check in days mean new kids, and a new church to host. It is always one of my favorites. Every time a church arrives you jump up and down and welcome them to camp. It's so much fun. I was jumping up and down welcoming kids to camp when I landed on my foot wrong. I thought I had just twisted my ankle, so I kept standing. I immediately couldn't stand anymore, and the pain was unbearable. So some of my staff brought me inside, and I elevated my foot to see what would happen. I remember immediately feeling angry because check in day was my favorite, and questioning God on why this would happen to me. We thought it was just sprained so the next couple of days I stayed off of it, and kept it wrapped. After three days the pain was still the same. I couldn't walk on my foot at all, and it still hurt pretty badly. At this point my attitude was terrible, and I just kept getting more angry. I kept telling God that I loved camp, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to do what I loved. It broke my heart to see everyone able to do camp, and I just didn't understand. By the fourth day my Assistant Director Hannah took me to the nearest urgent care to get an X-Ray to see what was going on. This girl has a heart of Gold, and I couldn't have made it through the week without her by my side. I also was thankful she was taking me to the doctor because I had such an awful attitude. Being at the doctor was interesting, and by the end of the appointment he just came in and said my fifth metatarsal was broken. I didn't have any words. I had so many thoughts "What does that mean for camp?" "Why is this happening?" "This is not my plan, God" Hannah was such a champ, and understood the pain I was feeling. I didn't really say anything, all I could muster up was "if not, you are still a good God". As soon as we got out to the car I blew up, and I was super emotional. Even then I kept telling myself "if not, you are still a good God". As we got back to camp there was two emotions anger and confusion because all I wanted was everything to be normal again. It was that afternoon that I was told that I needed to go home and see an orthopedic doctor to make sure everything was healing in the right direction. At that moment everything shattered. I felt as if the life had gotten sucked out of me, and I didn't know what to do. All I could think about was leaving my team who had become my family. That day was full of tears, and sadness. All I can remember is sitting in worship that night in the back. We watched a video on how people didn't have water, or places to live... and here I was having a nasty attitude over a broken foot. I remember God speaking to me and telling me that this broken foot wasn't forever. He had a plan. He had a beautiful plan, if I would just trust. When I left my spirits were high, and I knew that God had a plan for me. I began to lean on him more and just trust that everything would turn out okay. This last week has been full of intentional conversations that the Lord wanted me to have at home, and sharing Jesus with people at home has been just as good as camp. I am so thankful that the Lord has allowed me to go back to camp. As I head back to camp all I can say is "if not, he is still good". The Lord will fight for us, if we allow him. Please continue to pray for me and the special team around me. During this whole time my staff has loved me and served me well. God isn't finished yet, and I can't wait to see what else God does with my summer.

I will leave you with this, my anthem for the summer. This is the verse I read the morning I broke my foot, and this is the verse I read as I left my team. Oh how I love this.

"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day."-2 Corinthians 4:16

Retweet.

So, it has been a year since I have blogged and so much has happened since then. I am beginning to blog again because I have a super amazing summer ahead of me, and this is the easiest way to keep everyone posted about what's going on in my life. This summer I will be working for Centrikid Camps as a staffer, and I will be serving at Ridgecrest in North Carolina and at Norman Park in Georgia. I am so excited to serve alongside my team, and grow in my own relationship with Christ.

So... Training Week. 

This past week all the Centrikid staffers met up in Campbellsville, Kentucky. This was a time for us to get to know our team, and get prepared for all of our roles while at camp. The day that it was time to meet my team, I remember feeling so anxious about how everything was gonna go. I was nervous about not being prepared enough, people not liking me, etc. And then this happened....

I got to meet the most amazing team a girl could ask for. The people on this team have poured into me all week, and have made me feel so welcome. I am thankful to be able to serve with such God honoring people, and people who truly want to make a difference. We have laughed, cried, and shared our hearts this week. And I am so thankful that these are the people I get to do that with. So, pray for us. Pray for my team and that we will truly make a difference in kid's lives this summer. 

This week we focused on our key verse for the summer and it is: 

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart-Jeremiah 29:13

I truly had to unpack this verse myself before I could begin to teach it to kids. I struggled over this verse.. what does it mean to me to search with all my heart? What's keeping me from searching with all my heart? These were hard questions that I had to deal with myself. Many times I am guilty of just teaching a bible study without applying it to my own life, and so this week I was thankful to have time to figure out what it meant for me to live this out myself. This is such a good verse for everything in my life, because it teaches me that in everything I do I should be seeking God with all my heart. This is a humbling verse to learn, even as a 21 year old.

Most of this week was spent going over bible studies, track times, having team meetings, and spending time in worship. By day two I was already physically exhausted. I thought to myself that the week would be impossible to finish, and I had zero confidence in myself that I could do it. But, throughout the day my prayer was "Lord, I need energy". It was a constant prayer that I had to pray, and the Lord really showed me how faithful he was to provide for me. Not only did I not feel tired during the day but I had energy... something that I could not do by myself. Which lead me to this verse:

And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.-Philippians 4:19

If I can remind myself of this verse this summer, I will definitely be in much better shape as a staffer.

Overall, I know that this summer is going to stretch me and test my faith more than ever. It will be difficult at times, but seeing kids come to know Christ will make it all worth it. I have no doubt that God has placed me here this summer for a purpose, and I cannot wait to experience all of it for the first time. As a kid, going to Centrikid was the highlight of my summer mostly because of the staffers. I am beyond excited to be able to give back to a camp that has done so much for me. It's going to be an amazing summer. Please be in my prayer for myself, my team, and the kids that I will be able to spend time with.

Oh, Sweet Child Of Mine.

            A year ago when I first landed on African soil, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was excited and ready for whatever God had for me. It was my first time out of the country, and I remember how new everything was. I took everything in, and of course had to try all the food. It was yummy by the way. :) I can still smell a mix of the different foods in the air, and the insane traffic was scary. I remember being shocked at how different it was. In the midst of all of this, I still felt like I was in the most beautiful place. I remember walking to the orphanage for the first time, and feeling helpless because I couldn't help all of the families in the village. My heart just broke every time I saw a child without clothes on or without food. I was so frustrated because I couldn't do anything to help or change their situation. I was a college student, and I believed that I couldn't do anything because I barely had any money. Wrong. The first day at Acres of Hope, was overwhelming. Meeting all the kids, and playing games with them was so much fun. Then it happened, I will never forget the moment the Lord slapped me in the face.
           The most beautiful two year old I have ever seen in my life walked through the gates, and my heart about exploded out of my chest. She didn't make eye contact, and she wouldn't even shake my hand. She was absolutely terrified of me because I was white, but still every ounce of me was captivated by her. She never said a word that whole day, and wouldn't even let me hold her. That night, I asked Geoffrey her story. He said that she is an orphan, her dad passed away, and her mother was struggling to care for her because she is crippled. Geoffrey was doing everything he could for their family, but it was extremely hard for them because she couldn't work. He also told me that at one point Melody had a sponsor but dropped out. Everything in me just ached for this family, and before I went to sleep that night I just prayed that the Lord would reveal what action I was supposed to take. The following days I just began to sit by her, and I even begin to hold her in my lap. Everything I did, I would ask her to join me. Eventually she began to follow me around, and it became normal for me to hold her.

        This one little girl was changing the way I viewed life, and everything around me. I had no idea why I was so attached to her, or why my love for her was so strong. The day came for us to leave the orphanage, and every part of me just broke. I couldn't believe that I had to leave everyone that I had come to love dearly, especially Melody. When I came back to America the Lord was calling me to sponsor Melody, and I argued with him the whole time. My excuses were always different, I kept telling him, "I am a college student, I am barely making it financially myself." All he wanted from me was to trust him completely. That was tough for me, but about a month later I signed up to be Melody's sponsor. $45.00 a month gets my girl everything she needs, and I also get to help her family as well. What a journey this year has been! 

      This past May I had the opportunity to go back and see everyone at Acres Of Hope again. This year was much different, and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to experience it all over again. I was beyond excited to see Melody, and see the progress she had made. When I first saw her, she had grown so much since last year! She was talking, and laughing, and her smile was so much bigger. She has so much joy, and she also has such a big personality. Her brother was doing well, and her mom greeted me with tears, because she was so thankful to see me. I had given Geoffrey some money while I was there to help Melody's family, and with that money they were given new mattresses, and I will never forget the look on their faces. Such a small amount, can make a huge difference. It overwhelmed me what a difference it makes to a family when a child is sponsored. I believe with all my heart that Melody and her family has changed my life, more than I could ever change theirs. She is a huge part of everything I do, and I am so blessed that I get to watch her grow, and love Jesus more everyday. I now can't imagine my life without sponsoring my girl. I can't change a whole community, but I can change a course of one persons life. The Lord calls us to just say yes, and when we do say yes... he pours his blessings into our life. She is much happier, and I am too. My love for her grows more every day! She is so beautiful. If you would like to know more about how you can sponsor a child, please contact me. I would love to answer any questions! 

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"-Matthew 6:25-27

The Harvest.

   Happy New Year Everyone! It has been awhile since I have gotten a chance to write one of these, because I haven't had the right words for awhile. I have stared at this blank screen for almost two months because I don't know how to put into words what's been happening in my life. So, I will of course try my best.

    Christmas break has come and gone, and it was quite possibly the most rested month I have had in awhile. I was able to get things done that had been sitting there for a whole semester, and also I was able to organize and plan for this new semester in the ministry. It was much needed peace in my life, and I am so thankful for the time I got to spend with family and friends. I was certain that since I had a month to prepare for the ministry this semester that things would run much smoother, and everything would be okay. I feel like no matter how much time you spend preparing for the ministry life, it's never going to go as planned. I think it's because it is all about God's plans and not yours. It is not about you or about what you want. This concept was such a hard one to learn, because I am such a planner. I plan and organize everything. Ministry is so spontaneous, and I always try and fight that part. The Lord clearly showed me over the break that it is not about what I want or how I feel. I was also asked the question, "Why do you do what you do?" Such a simple question right? Wrong. I could no longer answer, "It is what I love to do." I had to dig deep into my soul, and find out the answer. I prayed for weeks, and I honestly felt that God had forgotten about me. I would cry, and pray every single day waiting for him. I would get so frustrated and try to run from the question. I finally stopped praying, and gave up on the answer. I became bitter, and lonely. It wasn't until last Sunday did I finally receive my answer. One of my youth came up to me in tears and said, "Miss Karissa, thank you for changing my life, no one has ever come to where I live and told me about Jesus. I live in such a rough area, no one ever comes." In that moment, God slapped me in the face with this verse-Then He said to his disciples, "The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few." I do what I do not because I love it, but if I don't go... who will? There are SO many kids that just get forgotten by the church because no one is willing to go to their soil, and tell them the gospel. This is something that has challenged me since that day, and every morning I remind myself, this is why I do what I do. It is one of the hardest verses I have ever had to live out. My life is crazy, and overwhelming 99% of the time, but the harvest is WORTH IT. So I have decided that my foundation verse for Martin Park Ministries is going to be Matthew 9:37. That way it is always going to be in my face as a reminder. So my question to everyone is where is your harvest? I challenge you to find your harvest, and when you do find it, reap your harvest. It will be the most beautiful, and life changing thing you have ever done. Pinky Promise. Now on to the fun stuff, the new schedule. :)

*Tutoring will be on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 4:00-5:30. 
-If you would like to help with this, please contact me! 

Prayer Requests:
Ministry:
*Kids to grow academically and spiritually as we pour into them on Tuesdays and Thursday.
*Kids financial/health needs to be met.
Personal:
*Financial needs to be met.
*Stay strong spiritually.
*Endurance. 

"The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few."-Matthew 9:37

Tears.

      As I sat on my couch one afternoon, I remember feeling the complete exhaustion that had taken over my body. I remember laying there and feeling as if I couldn't go on any longer. I pulled out my favorite blanket, and prepared myself for one of the most amazing naps of my life. As soon as I laid down, I heard one of the loudest screams of my life, and I felt my heart catch in my throat. I immediately ran outside, and saw one of my girls laying on the concrete holding her knee. So I scooped her up, and carried her inside. I sat her on the counter, and began to clean her cut. I kept reassuring her that she was fine, and that she would have a bandaid on it soon. I remember bending down, and my whole body just ached because I was so tired. She had stopped crying, and I put the bandaid on and kissed her knee.  I immediately said, "Look! Its all better!" I saw her eyes fill up with tears all of a sudden, and she said to me, "Miss Karissa, thank you for loving me.... Because if you didn't, I don't know who would. Also, thanks for telling me about Jesus, me and him have been talking and I'm pretty sure we're gonna be good friends." I remember hugging her, and feeling the wetness of her tears on my shirt, and thinking how I would not have changed this moment for anything in the world. I could've held that precious girl in my arms for the rest of the day... and in that moment I was so weak, but so strong. 

      It has been exactly two months since I have written a blog. Quite honestly it has been one of the hardest two months of my life. I have come to the realization that the Lord uses us in our weaknesses. He uses me in the craziest situations, and I never see them coming. So today, I am thankful that God scooped me up and carried me inside. I am thankful that I can be completely broken with him, and he kisses my bobos, and says "Look! It's all better." He makes everything new, and he has definitely shown me that Joy comes in the morning. This is why I live, breathe, and love Martin Park. It is exhausting to keep up with so many kids, but the good times always outweigh the bad. It has brought my heart joy to see my kids change so much, and I wouldn't change a thing. So many things have happened in the last two months, and I will try my best to show you my heart and walk you through it.

Tuesday Afternoons: 

  After school tutoring... what an amazing adventure! This was the most intimate time that I had with my kids. I learned about their lives and helped them with school. We played different games like basketball, football, and soccer. I had about fifteen kids every tuesday and it was such a blessing to get to invest in their lives on a personal level. I could not have done this without the amazing group of college students. Thank you guys so much! :) 

Wednesday Nights: 

 Wednesday Nights was an amazing time for everyone. We have grown so much in the past months. Every wednesday we would get to worship, play games, and teach our class about the fruit of the spirit.  It was such a challenging task, but by the end of the semester my knowledge of teaching had grown so much!  

Friday Nights: 

  My most favorite night this whole semester was Friday nights. This night was full of laughter, friendships, and healing. I had women's bible study every Friday night, and got to spend some incredible times with the most amazing women in the world. Through this special time together we found the love of Jesus, and forgiveness that can break all chains. I am so thankful for these wise women, and I am thankful they still invest in my life. 

Christmas Party:

  This was the most humbling thing I have done all semester. On Sunday, December 15th we had our Martin Park Christmas Party. This was the moment I had been waiting for all semester to see if what I had been doing really made a difference. God answered my prayers, and went above and beyond. Kids and their families kept arriving and I just couldn't believe all of the connections I had made. It was such a huge blessing to get to serve them food, and tell the Christmas story, and give the kids treat bags. I am so glad to have built such a solid foundation, and the Lord is so gracious to me. I am so proud of my family, and can not wait to see where we go next! Thank you Gateway Baptist Church for all your help, and support! Also, thank you for everyone who helped with all the details, it makes a difference! 

So, I will end on this note. I am a BLESSED woman this year with quite possibly the greatest kids in the whole world. There are so many things left to be done, but with everyone's help we can change this community! I can not wait to see what God's plan is for me and this area. Please keep praying, and I can not thank everyone enough for all of your support! Love you all! 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year From My Family To Yours!