When I was a senior in high school. I was so unhappy. Everything seemed to be working against me, but in reality I just wasn't following Christ like I should. He told me I was called to go to Uganda for sure without a doubt, and I ran. I ran so far away from God's will that I was miserable. I remember one night being so depressed, all I could do was pray to God that I needed him and I could not do life without him anymore. I remember saying "Your will, not mine" Oh how that one simple phrase completely wrecked all MY plans. He led me to Louisiana College, he led me to the most solid friends a girl can have, and I was able to go to Uganda for the first time as a freshman in college. He is so faithful. Fast forward three year laters, and here I am about to graduate with a degree in social work, and leave the country for four months. Wow.
For the past couple of months I have been preparing to go to Uganda and spend four months there. Which has been absolutely overwhelming, and a little crazy at times. Questions I ask myself daily are: How does one prepare for this? How am I going to raise all this money? Why me? Why can't God choose someone else? What if something happens to me? Things I say daily: I can't do this. I'm not good enough. I can't live without chickfila and hot showers that long. I'm terrified of traveling alone.
And all that God tells me is this, "Just say yes".
When I finally broke down, and decided to just say yes to God's plan all of the anxiety and questions went away. I will be prepared, and God will provide all of my needs. God chose me for a reason, and if something happens to me-he is still good. I am good enough. I am strong enough. And life goes on without chickfila and hot showers (help me Lord). Once I said yes, everything changed. I was no longer stuck in this awkward what do I do stage. People started coming out of nowhere with donations, and I even had an article in the town talk, like what? The Lord was so faithful in showing me that I am right where he wanted me. He is showing up every.single.day and my heart may explode.
Last Sunday I was told that I was a better Christian than most because I was going to be going to Uganda for a whole semester, and doing the "dirty work". My goodness how my heart broke when I was told that. I am told things like that all the time. You are "inspiring", "a hero", "amazing". Oh how I wish I were all of these things, but I am simply not. I struggle just like everyone else does, I make good and bad decisions. Sometimes life is just hard, and it's amazing that I just get up in the morning.
Then the next thing I was told was, "What would the world be like if everyone said yes to God's will for their lives?"
I thought about this question for the rest of the day. What if everyone said yes whenever God told them to go? What if there was no such thing as fear? What if everyone lived out their call completely and totally? This is something that I ask myself daily. I am so thankful that despite that everything seems like a hot mess sometimes I know that without a doubt I am in God's will. I am happy, and at peace. This has been on my heart for such a long time, and I have struggled with going to Uganda for awhile now. But instead of running from my call, I just said yes. Oh what a difference that has made.
"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double minded."-James 4:7-8
My life this past couple of months:
http://www.thetowntalk.com/story/news/local/2015/09/11/african-internship-helps-lc-student-fulfill-gods-call/72064356/
