Loving till it hurts.

These past couple of weeks have been absolutely overwhelming. I have come to the realization that being a full time student and working in the ministry is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to balance. As I begin to get into the routine of my schedule and how I am going to do things I get more excited about how God is going to use me this semester. Not only at school, but in the ministry as well. 

The ministry side of my life, has been a roller coaster of emotions. It has been incredible to watch my kids grow spiritually, but it also hurts to my core to see them hurt. My kids face battles that I can not even imagine going through. When they talk to me about their hurts, I tend to carry it on my shoulders because I want to help them. My heart seriously breaks for these kids and makes me an emotional wreck. I try and be their savior, and fight their battles for them.  When in reality I can not come to their rescue every time they call for me, and that hurts me. Then Jesus whispers to me and says, "I heal the broken hearted and I bind up their wounds." Jesus has already carried the burden for my kids, and I don't have to. I don't have to try and be their hero, when  Jesus was their hero when he died for them on the cross. He has called me to live this out in every area of my life, so that my kids know that they have already been rescued, and set free by the situations they are in right now. I feel that giving my kids to Jesus to take care of is sometimes easier said then done. Every time I talk to one of my kids, and they are struggling, I always remind them to run to Jesus as fast as they possibly can. He is the only one who can make all things new. 

I have also come to the realization that this hurt for people never goes away. Whenever I sit in my bedroom, and weep and pray for my kids. It becomes real that I am in the ministry. The hurt never goes away for lost people.  I am thankful for this hurt because it makes me more passionate in everything I do. Its not going to get easier, but its worth it. My kids are worth it. I am thankful for painful beginnings, and I am thankful that God chose someone so unworthy to live out his calling in my life. I will update more later! 

Things you can pray for: 

1. A healthy balance between ministry and school.

2. My kids and their hearts. 

3. That God will provide financially for this ministry so that it can continue to grow. 

"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers, and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission."-Hebrews 5:7